Shortly after these photos were taken, I was on my merry way to the West 4th Street subway stop in the West Village to catch a train to work. Puffer Coat tied tight, Prodigy Coffee in hand. As I was walking down the first of many sets of stairs, I thought to myself, “It would really suck to fall on the subway stairs.” (There it was. That was my invitation for Mother NYC to show me who’s the HBIC.) By set of stair steps number 3, I was still gripping the railing and watching my feet carefully, but apparently that wasn’t enough. I’m not exactly sure what happened, I just remember my feet flying out in front of me and essentially riding my puffer jacket down the steps like a f*cking sled. “Are you okay?! Can I help you up? Are you hurt?” OMG WHERE IS AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK WHEN YOU NEED ONE. While I appreciate considerate New Yorkers, I would really like to dissolve into the ground when things like this happen.
I made my way to the FAR END of the platform avoiding eye contact with everyone, trying to hide from anyone who could have potentially seen me bobbing from step to step on my left ass cheek. My elbow and hip are hurting and I’m thoroughly embarrassed. (And it’s about to be that time of the month so NATURALLY tears just start welling up in my eyes.) I say a few mantras along the lines of “Don’t f*cking cry, Jessica. It will only make you more of a spectacle.” I keep it together and make it to the other end of the platform and start to dab the snow off of my face. Wait, is that snow? I open up my phone camera in selfie mode to assess to situation and realize that my coffee actually showered me. White beanie, completely splattered with brown liquid. (#rip) There are coffee splatters on my face and in my hair, too. Good thing I just walked down the entire platform looking like I bathed in a sewer.
I take off my beanie (hello, hat hair) and blot the latte off of my face, jacket, and hands and hop onto the express train to work. I get into the office and go directly to the mirror to disrobe. (No one else was in yet, TG.) Oh PERF, instantaneous swelling and bruising on my left elbow and my rear end. My jeans look like I’m covered in mud. Nope, not mud, just subway platform floor juice. LOVELY. Needless to say, I had to skip all things NYFW related that day. It’s really funny now, but I have to admit that it was even funny then. What else can you besides laugh in these situations?
Here it is, seven days later and you should see the bruises on my butt. (Except, like, not.) To save you the sore eyes and borderline pornographic photos, let me just say that my left cheek looks like it’s tattooed black and blue and shades of purple that I didn’t even know existed. Great visual, huh? Good thing I don’t have a beach vacay planned any time soon!
What can I say? Just goin’ up on a Tuesday.
New York – 1; Jessica – 0
Get the Look…
French Connection Turtleneck Sweater (old, similar here & here)
Vince Camuto Faux Fur Vest (similar here & here)
Express Skinny Jeans
L.L. Bean Duck Boots
Zara Beanie (sold out, similar here)
Nails: Essie ‘Marshmallow’