My Toi et Moi Engagement Ring

After sharing the details of our engagement, I wanted to share a bit more about my toi et moi engagement ring. While it’s not a traditional engagement ring style, it’s a ring style I’ve admired for years.

Ever since college, I’ve joked with my girlfriends that my future husband would need to propose with a bracelet. I have thick fingers, especially in the knuckle area. Thicccq with a Q, honestly. If there were a surgery to get long and lean fingers, I would have gotten it by now. That’s actually why I’ve grown my nails out for the last few years, as the length makes my fingers look a bit less stocky.

As all of my friends have gotten engaged over the years, I’ve tried on all of their beautiful rings (or at least to my knuckle or on my pinky finger 🤪) and always felt so defeated. Not only was I single AF, but all of their gorgeous rings looked so, so terrible on my hands. I legitimately used to think to myself, “This probably means I’m just not meant to get married.”

I’ve always liked the look of a simple, dainty band on my fingers. I’ve always dreamt of getting a nice watch someday, so I came up with a plan many years ago that I would opt for a watch instead of an engagement ring if I had the choice.

Turns out, Dave is much more of a traditionalist than I am. “You want an engagement watch?!?!” He was very skeptical about doing things so far from what’s considered the norm. Since he wanted to get a ring for me, I started doing some research on ring styles for the very first time. I literally Googled “engagement rings for fat fingers” to get started.

Somewhere along the way, I saw a picture of a toi et moi ring and a lightbulb went off! I’ve followed Stephanie Gottleib for years and remember liking an Instagram she posted back in 2021. What if I tried a Toi et Moi style for an engagement ring?!

Toi et Moi Engagement Rings

Toi et Moi Ring Meaning

A toi et moi ring features two stones nestled together. While these rings might not be your first thought when you think of wedding rings, Toi et Moi literally means “you and me” in French, which feels very fitting for a marriage, doesn’t it? Intitally, I was a little worried Dave would think the design was too unconventional, but it didn’t take much convincing since he’s a bit of a history buff.

Toi et Moi History

I’ve recently seen articles state these rings are trendy at the moment, but it’s actually a style steeped in history!

In 1796, French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte proposed to his partner Josephine, Queen of Italy, with a yellow gold Toi et Moi engagement ring made from a pear cut Blue Sapphire and matching 1ct pear cut Diamond.

Another well-known historical ring was Jackie Kennedy’s ring from President John F. Kennedy. According to this Vogue article, she had her original emerald and diamond Toi et Moi engagement ring re-done by Van Cleef & Arpels in the 1950s, adding 10 more diamonds to celebrate 10 years of marriage.

Shopping for a Toi et Moi Ring

For me, I loved how a Toi et Moi ring would give me more finger coverage with having two stones. (If you have larger hands or fingers, you know it’s allll about the finger coverage.) But which two stones? Did I want a colored gemstone mixed with a diamond? According to the web, options were seemingly endless. From my previous experience with friends’ rings, however, I knew I needed to try them on myself.

In August, Berlinger Jewelry had a pop-up in Chicago that Dave and I went to. She has a myriad of vintage-inspired, unique engagement rings. While Dave didn’t buy my engagement ring from her, I do think I picked out my band on that trip! That’s a story for another day, though.

We then made appointments at a few fine jewelry stores downtown so I could try on some more rings. Trying on more classic ring styles helped me decide this unique engagement ring was indeed what I wanted. It was also helpful to confirm my ring size in person! (My ring size also changed each time… Note to self: Don’t try on rings the day after attending a music festival, haha.)

Toi et Moi Diamond Ring Shapes

While going engagement rings shopping with your partner hasn’t always been the norm, I’m very glad I did. There weren’t many Toi et Moi rings to try on, but I went to a jeweler where I could play with loose stones to get a feel for it. I also learned there’s a lot to consider when you’re sitting two stones right next to each other!

Emerald with a Pear

While I absolutely adore the look of an emerald next to a pear, a boxy emerald cut actually made my finger look stockier. (It’s a similar feeling to wearing a mid-calf bootie if you have larger calves. It just hits you in a place that’s not as flattering, you know?)

Another thing to keep in mind is the difference in brilliance between the two stones… Emerald cuts naturally have less sparkle than brilliant cuts like round, princess, or cushion.

I’ve actually seen a gorgeous ring where she did an elongated cushion (with a similar rectangular shape) next to a pear so each stone had plenty of sparkle.

I also knew that I wanted a yellow gold band. Since emerald cuts pick up more of their setting’s color, I would have needed an emerald with a much whiter color to ensure it wouldn’t look yellow next to the pear diamond.

Round with a Pear

I ended up choosing a round cut next to a pear cut, which I was very surprised by. I’ve worn the same pear-shaped studs since I was 16, so I thought I definitely wanted a pear, but I never saw myself pairing a round next to it. But that’s what looked the best on my finger!

By working with a knowledgable jeweler, he talked me through the rest of the Cs I needed to consider when pairing the two stones next to each other. The size of one cut does not necessarily match the size of another cut. Some cuts have more depth than others and some have more leeway with color and clarity.

Open Style Two-Stone

When searching online, one style I kept coming back to was an open band with two stones like this one. At my meeting with Katie Berlinger, she talked me out of that style for a daily-wear ring like an engagement ring since it’s a lot more vulnerable! I’d love to get a ring like that as a cocktail ring some day, though. 

Two Pear-Shaped Diamonds

Another style that’s really pretty is two pears next to each other. The more standard setting would be the two stones opposite each other, but for me, it ended up feeling too symmetrical on my finger. I prefered how the round and pear gave a more asymmetrical look.

When two pears are sitting mirrored from each other, they actually sort of look like a heart, which is cute, too.

Hearts

And then there are heart-shaped diamonds, too! While these are a bit too cutesy for my taste, Stephanie Gottlieb does a lot of rings with hearts as non-engagement rings.

Custom Toi et Moi Rings

If you’re already married and love the style, there’s no need to re-do your ring! Toi et Moi rings make for a gorgeous cocktail ring and the options are endless. You could pair two gemstone colors and not use a diamond at all or you could create a Toi et Moi Birthstone ring using you and your partner’s birthstones. You could also do one stone for each of your children (or even your dogs 😉), your siblings, besties, you name it.

Toi and Moi Jewelry

Since toi et moi rings are having a moment right now, jewelers have started making toi et moi necklaces, earrings, and bracelets, too! You can find these styles in all of the metals… Yellow gold, white gold, rose gold, silver, and platinum.

FAQs

What does Toi et Moi mean?

The Toi et Moi meaning, or literal translation, is “you and me.”

How do you pronounce Toi et Moi?

It’s French! So the Toi et Moi pronunciation is “twah-eh-mwah.”

Which celebrities have a Toi et Moi ring?

I’m no expert on celebs, but this article states that Megan Fox and Ariana Grande wear them.

Any other questions I missed?

LMK and I’ll answer in the comments below! xx jess